Neurobiology of Trauma

What Happens in Your Brain and Body During Ongoing Domestic Violence

When you are living with domestic violence, your brain and body are responding exactly as they were designed to in order to keep you alive. The changes you may notice emotionally, physically, or mentally are not weaknesses. They are survival responses.

Your brain shifts into survival mode

Your brain has a built-in alarm system designed to detect danger. When abuse happens repeatedly or unpredictably, that alarm system stays turned on. The part of the brain responsible for sensing threat becomes overactive, constantly scanning for signs that something bad might happen next.

This is why you may feel:

• On edge or hyper-aware of moods, sounds, or changes
• Easily startled or anxious
• Unable to fully relax, even during “calm” moments

Your brain is trying to keep you safe by staying alert.

Stress hormones flood your body

During abuse, your body releases stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones prepare you to survive by fighting back, running away, freezing, or doing whatever minimizes harm in that moment.

When violence is ongoing, these chemicals don’t get a chance to reset. Over time, this can lead to:

• Exhaustion or numbness
• Trouble sleeping
• Headaches, stomach problems, or chronic pain
• Feeling emotionally overwhelmed or disconnected

This is not “being dramatic.” It is your nervous system under constant strain.

Decision-making becomes harder

Another part of your brain the one that helps with planning, reasoning, and weighing options, known as the frontal lobe, does not function well when you are in survival mode. When danger feels constant, your brain prioritizes immediate safety over long-term planning.

This is why people experiencing abuse may:

• Feel confused or foggy
• Have difficulty making decisions
• Stay in situations that outsiders don’t understand
• Go back after leaving

This is not because you don’t know what’s happening. It’s because your brain is focused on surviving the next threat, including the potential threat of the unknown if you leave.

Memory and concentration can be affected

Trauma changes how memories are stored. Instead of clear, chronological memories, experiences may be saved as fragments—sensations, emotions, or images.

This can make it hard to:

• Remember details clearly
• Tell your story in a straight line
• Focus or concentrate

This does not mean you are lying or unreliable. It means your brain was prioritizing survival over record-keeping.

Attachment and fear become tangled

In abusive relationships, moments of harm are often mixed with moments of care, apology, or affection. This creates powerful neurological bonds. Your brain may associate the person hurting you with relief from fear, even though they are also the source of it.

This can make leaving feel:

• Emotionally painful
• Terrifying or unsafe
• Like you are losing something important, even if the relationship is harmful

That pull is biological, not a failure of judgment.